Waiting in Limbo
by emmzly
Summary: Seven months ago Shinra fell, now Elena tends to a comatose Rufus. If playing nurse wasn't enough, disturbing images of a shadowed figure haunt her. Can she tolerate the nightmares, her feelings for Tseng, and the strange connection tying her to Rufus?
1. My President

**Waiting in Limbo**

chapter one: my president

* * *

_If I ever manage to live through this day, I swear to the life stream – or what's left of it – I'll tell Tseng how much I love him._ This resolve was the only thing that kept me going. I honestly could not see any point in living beyond my feelings for Tseng. I might've been overly exaggerating my emotions, but people do that when there is no longer any hope. Everything and I mean _everything_ important to me had disappeared in a matter of hours. My company, my position as a Turk, and my boss – all of it was gone. I didn't even have my favorite "hang in there" Moogle desk poster. The poster was a drop in the bucket compared to everything else, but it had kept me going in the worst of times. If only there had been more of a warning, a clearer signal --

ACK! Who was I kidding?! The company was already doomed when I became a Turk, longer before that! The energy Shinra sold was stolen from the planet. The life stream is continuously giving life and those lives return to the planet once their time is over. Wouldn't using Shinra energy be like, killing the planet? Don't get me wrong, I'm not a tree hugger and I certainly don't side with AVALANCHE; they're terrorists after all. But I can now see where they were coming from.

Our planet was dying. You could see it in the new blooms of the flowers; the cherry blossoms outside my apartment wilted and died after one day. Shinra could have done so much; the President had the money and the resources, so why hadn't he assisted?

I respect very few people, a small portion of them being men. Tseng was at the top of my list, and his close competitor for second was my President... my _former_ President. He retained the same qualities Tseng did; a level head, a clever tongue, and cool composure. I might've been in danger of falling for him if he hadn't been so unattainable. I mean, there was no way in Ifrit's Hell I was any closer to Tseng than the first day I met him, but the President was an impossible catch... _had been _an impossible catch.

It would take some getting used to, referring to him in past tense. President Shinra was a stranger to me, and yet I experienced the pain of losing him. Would this have been prevented if AVALANCHE had been taken more seriously? If he had known the extent of what Shinra was doing to the planet I'm sure he would have shut down the company. Maybe then his life would have been spared...

What the hell was I thinking?! It didn't matter. I was a Turk; I still had a duty to my company. The President was dead, it hurt to think about it as a fact, but there was no changing it. Before his death he had issued specific orders and this was like any other mission. It didn't matter if Rufus Shinra was no longer with us; I had to do my duty. The order was absolute.

Alongside Reno and Rude, I ran through the tunnels beneath Shinra headquarters. It was a miracle we had managed to escape before the final blast from Diamond Weapon hit. It was the most heartbreaking sight a Turk could ever see. I never thought I'd watch the fall of headquarters. In my mind it would never happen. But as I stood at the opening of the sewer tunnel, my mouth agape, it dawned on me: everything happening was real. The only thing left of the once revered Shinra Company was rubble, dead bodies and ensuing chaos. I could hear the screams, the crashes, and the enormous _BOOM _of the cannon shot through the brick walls.

Although the insulation was thicker than Reno's pea soup it was still so loud. I couldn't stand the noise! Nearly all the trainee videos I'd watched before becoming a Turk featured the symphony of pandemonium now being blasted throughout Midgar on permanent repeat.

Back then I thought if I had to fight in a war I'd never stand the noise. Turks weren't publicly acknowledged after all; they hid in the shadows, waiting to do the dirty work. That's what my job was supposed to be – spying and if need be, silently killing. I hadn't been trained for Soldier. In a few years I'd qualify to take the exams but as of that moment I was not prepared to go to the front lines. I was a ninja damn it!

Yet I ran through the sewers ahead of Reno and Rude about to take the preemptive strike regardless of my limitations. Despite what it might've seemed, I wasn't scared. No, no no no! Elena the Turk was never scared! I was nervous, that was all. You know biting-your-fingernails-and-chewing-the-hell-outta-your-lip-while-pulling-your-hair-out nervous. However, those nerves were tied directly to my fear. If I had any hope of staying in control of my anxiety, the string leading to my panic alarm had to be kept loose. The easiest way to do that was to make the violent noises disappear.

Apart from the bombardment occurring above and the dripping of leaky pipes, our footsteps were the only sounds echoing down the tunnel. If I could focus on the clapping noise our fifty dollar shoes made then maybe I'd have a grip on the situation. _Concentrate on the footsteps Elena, _I told myself; _think of them as polished dress shoes attached to a dashing, tux-wearing Tseng, ready to escort you to the opera._ Oh yeah, I was relaxed already.

With my nerves under control, speed became my best friend. My feet danced across the concrete, creating a rhythmic composition, perfect for a percussionist. My footsteps were faster than either Reno's or Rude's. Theirs slowly trailed behind me, heels scuffing against the pavement. While my footsteps continued to be the drum solo, theirs were back-up maracas.

My consciousness began to trail into other things soon after that. With music on my mind, the day dream of Tseng and me at the opera returned. I almost began to giggle at the mental image of sitting in an opera box next to Tseng. It would be close quarters of course; we couldn't _afford_ the luxuries of having a large box. No signs of romantic attachments would be exchanged openly; our fingertips might lightly graze across each others by a forced accident, but nothing else.

Then, as we would leave the opera house we'd see Rufus Shinra coming from one of the more expensive seats. He'd offer us a ride to his lavish foreign car filled with caviar and champagne.

When the memory was starting to become enjoyable I remembered: "Rufus Shinra is dead." Uttering those words was like whispering a hex, and saying it caused a great deal of pain on my part.

In my haste I tripped over a stray pipe and crashed to the ground. The cloth on my knees and elbows was gone and in its place was tender white skin. I watched the blood well in small droplets, threatening to trickle down my leg. I bit my lower lip and pushed back a dry sob. Physical pain rarely bothered me, but the string attached to my nerves had finally ripped.

What were we supposed to do? Reno and Rude could function; they were professionals at adapting to the situation. But I was a rookie, a goddamn rookie!

I couldn't stand it! Being a Turk meant nothing if you weren't able to function properly. There were three rules to being a Turk: Block out emotions, don't question the President, and always follow orders. And yet there I was, on the verge of tears, wondering why the President hadn't saved the planet, and contemplating the notion of running away.

_Oh God! _There was no way I was a Turk. I wasn't in the same league as Reno and Rude, I was thinking about running away! Running away like a coward or a thief... If Tseng could see me lying on the floor the sewer tunnel while actually considering the thought of fleeing, he'd fire me on the spot. Forget about love, or respect, or even cordial conversation, I'd be lucky if he'd look me in the eye after we completed the mission...

The self-pity pool began to fill up faster. I heard Rude's single footfalls come up behind me. He didn't bend down and look at my face. I'm glad he didn't. My pride probably wouldn't have recovered if he had seen my swollen red-rimmed eyes. To comfort me, he rested his large hand on my back. His fingers traced the bony outline of my shoulder blade before he gave it a tight squeeze of reassurance.

"Please, just don't." My words came out as a rough growl.

Rude's grip loosened quickly. I must've sounded so cruel when all he was trying to do was help. My breathing began to increase. It felt like my ribs were slowly beginning to close in on my lungs. "Rude..." I tried to piece together an apology but I couldn't manage do that either. Instead, I did something really stupid.

"What if we forgot the mission?" I paid no mind to the searing pain in my knees and struggled to stand. "We could just leave. Find Tseng at the hospital and go! What would be the point in carrying out the mission now that Shinra has fallen?" The body movement I displayed was wild, my hand gestures erratic. Turning around I saw Rude's expression first. His jaw line was set firm and I felt his fiery gaze burn into my watery eyes from behind his darkened glasses. I focused on Reno's silhouette standing a few feet behind his black counterpart. Instead of shouting a sarcastic reply or beginning a long rant with the word 'fuck' repeated five times, he just stood there with his chin lowered. Reno's posture was slumped over, more than usual and his arms hung loosely at his side. One of Reno's long fingers was intertwined with the belt loop closest to his cell.

What was he thinking? Did he agree with me or was he in shock? Then again, did I agree with me? I hated being so indecisive. It had been my downfall for so many things (a great deal of them being social matters, example being Tseng) and now it was a matter of life or death. I had to act, if I didn't, then we'd probably be history.

We were near an exit and if I could just convince them...

Then I heard a group of unfamiliar footsteps. Rude and Reno weren't moving, and my feet were planted firmly, so that meant it was too late to escape: our assignment was already there.

Cloud and his gang of miscreants had finally appeared. The doll Reeve had been developing months prior was running very well and was leading the group. The spiky-headed ex-soldier followed closely, his large buster sword already poised for action.

I really didn't want to feel the sting of his sword and the idea of being shot by a man with a gun for an arm wasn't my idea of a fine time either. But what really turned me off of the mission was the possibility of being assaulted by a stuffed toy. I mean, who ever fought and lost to a freaking doll? And who needs five hundred people in a party?! Three. Count with me: one, two, _three_ are enough. Any more and it's cheating.

...Holy shit. They had the upper hand.

"Oh no! They're here!" (_Accompanied by their demonic doll!) _My voice carried farther than I had intended it to. Our targets turned around and stared at us, their bodies already preparing for an attack. Well, they weren't getting the first move!

I ran up to them, grimacing at the pain in my knees. I don't think they expected me to not assault them, for a moment they stared and I heard one of them whisper a question along the lines of "are they worth it?"

My eyes widened to such a large degree I feared my eye balls might pop out. "What are we going to do!?" I looked back at Reno and Rude, "I think it's okay for you to ignore your orders now."

Reno finally acknowledged me, but it wasn't exactly the reaction what I was hoping for. He became unusually serious and his green eyes brightened. They shone with a glow I'd never seen before. I think an epiphany happened in those brief seconds and it showed as he regained his confident strut. "...Elena, don't act so weak." His index finger was still wrapped around the belt loop close to his phone. Gingerly Reno let go of the blue material and whipped out his stun baton in one swift motion.

"We're Turks, Elena." Rude joined us, his strong hands already covered by his black fighting gloves.

They spoke with loud conviction, their voices bouncing off the walls of the tunnel; it retained the same heaviness as a judge's gravel made in a silent courtroom after the jury announced its verdict.

It was a two out of three vote. I had lost.

I shook my head at this. Why did we have to fight them now? Shinra was gone, we were here, and shouldn't we try and survive? It was a stupid fight! Battling Cloud wasn't going to bring back Shinra; it most certainly wasn't going to bring back our President.

Then something clicked. Where it came from, I have no idea, but suddenly it was there.

There was no promise I would live even if I ran. To take the exit, to just run as far as I could, to get the hell outta there, it didn't mean squat. I could run to the outskirts of the city and be crushed by falling debris. I could make it as far as the nearest town and be attacked by a Behemoth. I could, I could, and I _could!!_ Possibilities were abundant and the outcomes uncertain.

My sister once said "_Decisions are only as important as their meaning behind them_." The concept was easy enough to grasp, but I only took it to heart at that moment. Orders held no importance of being just an order. Reno and Rude weren't willing to die in battle for the sake of an order; they weren't that stupid (at least, I hoped not.) Behind their conviction was respect for a man they had swore to protect. Even though his life energy flowed once again with the planet's their conviction still remained.

They? Just Reno and Rude? No, I had failed alongside them. He was my president too.

A small smile stretched its way across my lips. I'm sure it looked very strange to our enemy, but to the men I was about to die with, it was a signal I'd finally become more than just a rookie. "... Yes sir. You're right." I pulled my gun out of its hilt and turned off the safety. This was the last stand of the Turks.

Like the bad-ass he was, Reno played it off cool. He rolled back his shoulders, flicked his hair away from his eyes, and gave a little sigh. "I'm not really up for it, but..." He looked over at me to finish the rest, a strange expression resting on his face.

"Our orders were to seek you out and..." I licked my dry lips, "... Kill." Kill? I wanted to make them pay, but I didn't want to see them die by my hand. "Our company may be in turmoil, but an order is an order." I raised my voice, hoping the volume of it would make me seem more confident in my decision. "That's the will and spirit of the Turks! Believe it!"

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Reno and Rude scratch the back of their heads as if embarrassed.

What? Why were they acting like that? Was my speech over the top? They were the one who inspired me! They should have been even more intense than I was. Sure, our relationship with Cloud was a strange one, and on different circumstances we might have been friends. That's probably why declaring our orders was like choking on bad seafood. It left a nasty taste in my mouth that I wouldn't be rid of for weeks.

But it didn't matter if we were friends or the worst of enemies – I had to do as my President instructed!

The lobster formerly known as Cloud raised his eyebrows and I saw the shrimpy ninja girl -- the one who'd been by screaming equal when Don Coreno took us hostage -- stifle a laugh. I resisted the urge to slap my companions and the little twerp. When were they going to take the initiative and charge those bastards, next week?! "What are you doing?! Let's go!"

For some reason, Cloud relaxed his body. The facial appearance he wore was the same as Reno's. What thoughts were they sharing with each other, and what was I missing?! "No, let's not go."

I jumped, literally _jumped_ into the air. "You're showing pity?!" Why couldn't we just hurry up and finish it? "Don't take the Turks for fools." Bringing up my gun to eye level I aimed for one of Cloud's yellow spikes. He was creating a diversion, stalling for time. All of this was probably a terrorist trick to try and catch us off guard.

Then Reno came up behind me grabbing hold of my gun clenching hands. He leaned over my shoulder, our cheeks almost touched. I saw the sweat collected on his brow and threatened to roll down his cheek in resemblance of a tear. "Elena, wait." His hold tightened like he was trying to take the gun away from me.

"Reno!" What was he doing? This was for the President; we had to honor Rufus. There was no other way. "You're not violating the _order_... are you?"

My words didn't faze him. "Shinra's finished." The five sharp pricks that were Reno's fingernails dug into my skin. "It's come down to this."

Come down to? Come down to what exactly?! First Reno basically told me to carry out the order, and now he wanted to show mercy?

From Rude's silence, I knew he was in agreement with his partner.

Once again, it was two to one.

My fingers let go of their hold on the gun's holt and I heard it clatter against the concrete.

My shoulders sagged, my head drooped. I looked just like one of those ugly dog sculptures except my eyes weren't filled with tears... yet.

Reno released his hold on me and returned to Rude's side. "Elena," he released a sigh, "you were a great Turk."

If my jaw had not been connected to the rest of my skull, it surely would have fallen off. Reno had told me _I_ was a great Turk!

Why weren't we facing each other when he said it? Then I might have seen the truth in his eyes and determined if what Reno said was something more than sarcasm. Yet, I heard it in his voice. The sincerity was unmistakable: he meant it.

The tender moment did not last long. Raising his hand he waved at Cloud, "Farewell. If we both survive..." he paused for dramatic effect, "If we can save our lives..."

Again with the pausing! I never pegged Reno as being such a drama fiend. What did he want, rhythmic snapping?!

Then he just walked away, without finishing his sentence, the bastard. It looked like it was up to me to make the grand exit.

Oh shit, what could I say?

What was I feeling? Should I say something about the inner conflicts, about my loyalty to the Turks and to my President?

Crap! I was stalling, I was creating dramatic effect. Why did I have to be such a hypocrite?!

"Remember the spirit of the Turks...!" My face flushed.

That was the best I could think of? I turned and ran after Reno as fast as my injured knee would let me. Rude's voice was a faint whisper behind. I wondered if he was going to confess his affection for Tifa.

Reno's flaming hair was clearly visible even in the darkened tunnel. As I came up next to him that familiar smirk spread across his lips. "_The spirit of the Turks? Believe it?!_ What the hell are you trying to do? Kill them with cheesy lines?"

I should have been offended but I found myself grinning with him. "What about you with all that 'surviving' and 'save our lives' bull? We're Turks, not actors!" A giggle came out of nowhere and suddenly I was laughing. It wasn't a shallow laugh either it made my stomach hurt and my knees weaker than they already were.

Reno laughed with me, his voice echoing louder than my own. He propped his hands on his knees for support.

Not wanting to touch my bloody knees, I leaned my hands on his shoulders. This was the closest I'd been to him since, well, moments ago. But this was the closest I'd been to him on _good_ terms.

I noticed things about Reno that I had never paid attention to before while we laughed. First of all, he smelled amazing, not as good as Tseng's clean suit smelled, but the spicy aroma coming off of him was well welcomed in the sewer tunnel.

Another detail was that he wasn't as large as he looked. Reno did have broad shoulders and muscles beneath the blue suit, but he was scrawny compared to Rude.

Why was I even taking these into account? The absurdity of my observations made me laugh so hard I feared I might fall over.

When Rude finally caught up I thought the laughter would cease. Reno and I stood up, cleared our throats and dusted off our suits. I got out my compact as I often did when situations were awkward. The ridiculousness of doing that suddenly dawned on me and the laughter tore through me once again.

Reno joined in and I was thankful. Two laughing fools are always better than one.

Rude crossed his arms and waited for us to gather ourselves.

Thankfully the laughing fit did not last longer than a minute. If we were going to escape before the tunnels collapsed, now was the time to do so.

"C'mon guys, we need to go." My words once again cast a spell over the group. Any merriment remaining disappeared.

Reno's fingers once again were beside his cell and I saw Rude's hand lingering over the antenna.

All of us were thinking it but the two of them wouldn't say it. If they couldn't stomach it then I would.

"He's not going to call us." I took out my own cell and readied to throw it away. My fingertips brushed across the smooth cover one last time. So many calls had been made and received on the little black phone, not one had been from Rufus.

Then I felt the familiar tingling vibration go through my hand. A call was coming through. I flipped it open and yelped out a noise similar to a bark.

On the other end a barely audible voice whispered into the receiver. "Do your duty..." I knew who it was at once.

"Reno, it's the President!" I tossed him the phone and his clumsy hands fumbled with it.

"Sir!" he yelled, "Sir, where you at?!" His brow furrowed as he struggled to hear the President's whispers.

Rude and I did not say a word. This moment was the most intense minute of my life and I wasn't going to screw it up.

With the phone still at his ear Reno looked to his partner. "I hear the heat bellows. He's somewhere underground."

"But he was on the top floor when the blast hit!" I blurted out.

"Exactly Elena, he's probably in a million fucking pieces. That's why we gotta find 'im fast! Rude you come with me, fuck knows I can't carry anybody."

"Wait!" I trailed behind them. "What about me? What can I do?" I was not going to be forgotten about. I had to do something.

Reno gave the phone to Rude. "Listen to that and make sure nothings happenin'. Elena, you stay here --"

"Like hell I am! I have to protect the President too! There _must_ be --"

"YES! Will you shut up and listen?!" Reno grabbed my shoulders and shook roughly. "God damn it, Elena, don't be so pig headed! Not all of us need to die." His face loomed over me for an uncomfortably long time. Was this Reno's gentleness. "The chances of us comin' back are as large as Rude's cock." And there went the intimacy...

Rude gave an annoyed cough.

"That's not true 'cause his thing is freakin' huge! Elena wait at the mouth of the tunnel, it's not that far. If we don't make it back before day break get the hell outta here. Go get Tseng at the hospital, find someplace, live a new life, and do the nasty! But don't wait for us past sunrise. The worlds gonna be in chaos and the only way they'll feel any better is if they get their hands on anyone Shinra related."

I wanted to protest. Every part of my body longed to pin Reno against the wall and show him exactly what I was made of. The boobs didn't mean a thing; I was still as tough as he was.

But what did I do? "Alright, I understand." I hung my head and agreed like a good girl.

Reno ruffled my hair before pausing to stair down at me again. He was starting to freak me out. What was he waiting around for, a hug? Instead he gave me one of his crooked smirks, winked, and then ran down the tunnel with Rude following promptly.

The darkness seemed to loom completely over me. Before it hadn't seemed so bad, with Reno and Rude I could be brave. Their presence was gone now and the tunnel's dimness appeared drearier than a moonless night. Shivering I turned the nearest corner and found a ray of light barely shining.

Seeing the opening of the tunnel felt joyous and depressing. On the one hand the exit meant seeing Tseng and finally getting to declare my feelings. Then again it also meant abandoning the President, something I knew Tseng would never forgive me for.

Suddenly my dilemma was overwhelming. "Alright Elena, do what you were told to do." Tseng couldn't blame me for that, right?

* * *

The time passed slowly as I sat on the cold floor. I didn't know what time it was or when daylight would come. My watch was at home lying on my side table. Scratch that. It was probably rubbish now, buried beneath the remains of Midgar. I tried to watch the stars and tell the time by their progressive movement. By my "expertise" I assumed it was a little past five, which meant the sun would be rising soon and still no sign of the rescue party.

During the night I'd managed to keep myself from becoming antsy. I thought about what would happen after the President returned. Would we rebuild Shinra? I doubt anyone would want their electricity from Shinra after this disaster. Thoughts of the moment when Tseng had confirmation about my feelings also meandered in my skull. I wondered if he would be surprised or repulsed.

I contemplated this for a while then my mind trailed back to the original question. What if they didn't make it back? Hours later my mind was convinced they'd return safely, but as the seconds ticked away I feared my assumptions were inaccurate.

What was worse, I kept sensing another presence. It wasn't one of the sewer rats either, it felt _abnormal_. To use the cliché description, the hair on the back of my neck began to stand up. A strange odor entered my noise once I was aware of it. The smell was sweet and coppery at the same time. Maybe I had the spooks because my gun was still located at the spot where I nearly shot Cloud.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw more of the sun hovering over the horizon. As I stood up and leaned against the circular opening, I decided that once the sun was completely in view then I would leave.

For a while I thought there were footsteps deep within the confines of the tunnel. When I turned to listen closely the noises would stop. I didn't see anything inside. No light reflections or moving objects, just concrete. Whenever my back would face the tunnel the din would grow louder.

But what if it was Reno and Rude coming back? They would need my help.

"Reno, Rude, Sir!" I shouted.

No Reply.

Again I called to them.

Only silence answered me.

Becoming one of those stereotypical horror movie victims wasn't exactly on my to-do list. Inside was bound to be a monster or a serial killer just waiting to plunge their knife into me. But of course, I ignored my better judgment and ventured forth.

When I stepped away from the light I heard the footsteps again. They began to come towards me. The owner of those feet could see me but I could not see them. My body naturally prepared for an attack. My arms tightened, my legs stiffened, and my adrenaline kicked in.

I picked up the sensation of another person right before me, yet my five senses couldn't detect a thing.

The presence moved fluidly as it circled my body. No attempt was made to attack.

A great need to grab hold of the specter rose in me. It kept whispering in my ear _Reach out, touch me. Give me your finger tips._

The stench I had smelled earlier was now overwhelming. The strange voice tickling my ear matched the odor perfectly: the sweet tone camouflaged a venomous nature.

"What are you?"

A soft laughter rose.

"What are you?" I asked again.

The chuckle was right beside my ear.

"What are you? Answer me, damn it!" I grew tired of this _thing's _incessant laughter.

An exasperated sigh came forth but a reply was not heard over the commotion of new footsteps. My companions had _finally_ returned.

I felt my shoulder graze past the presence as I moved to greet my returned allies. Reno looked weary and Rude the same, only now he carried the mangled President. Tears rushed into my eyes and I beat away the urge to embrace them. President Shinra's head lifted and he made eye contact. I almost lost my breath in those beautiful eyes.

Suddenly, Reno and Rude's tired faces transformed into expressions of terror. As their mouths opened to yell a rush of heat blasted through the tunnel. I saw them shouting but I heard only the President's commanding tenor now muffled with panic. _"Elena! ELENA!"_ He shouted orders but only my name was audible.

"President Shin–ugh!" A sharp pain went through my stomach. I should have registered greater pain but it slowly faded. My hands and clothes were suddenly wet with a warm liquid. Bile entered my throat and threatened to come out. _Get out, get out._ I thought those words over and over but my body wouldn't respond.

_Give me your touch_ _Elena..._ The creature whispered again, twisting me to look at it. A blackened husk peered at me with glowing eyes and smiled with sharp teeth. I felt strands of its hair fall in my face. It plunged its fingers inside of me while tracing the outlines of my face. Cold numbed me as it touched my features, caressing my lips.

Strength evaded me and so did my will to live. I guess Tseng wasn't important after all...

* * *

**Author's Note,**

**Alrighty, this is my very first final fantasy fan fiction (alliteration much!), feel free to cheer and throw confetti. It is a response to goodwitch08's call for more Rufena. There is a limited amount of **_**good **_**fics out there dealing with this odd couple. The characters are either too ooc and there is absolutely no plot to speak of. I pray to goodness this fic doesn't turn into a pile of poo.**

**I've never attempted to do an in-depth fan fiction before and if this turns out to be a great failure I probably never will. So to prevent such disappointments on both our parts, please leave a modest or a giggamongus review. Tell me your first impressions, if you think it's going in an interesting direction, what kind of mistakes need to be corrected, or just give it the worst literary ass-rape imaginable, that'll work too! It's still a review. I might cry for a few hours but the truth will be known. At least I won't be hanging in confused **_**limbo**_** wondering if I suck or if people just haven't read it.**

**Oh, and another thing. If you notice any mess ups with the in-game info, please let me know. I've re-played FF7 and even found a script online but it doesn't mean I won't make a mistake. So, just give a shout if there's something a-miss. PleaseKThanx&Bai!!**

**emmzly~**

**_ps. recently updated with grammar mistakes mixed and a few tid bits added._**


	2. The Daily Routine

chapter two: the daily routine

_seven months later_

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* * *

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"_NO!_" My hands swat the air as the dream catapults me upwards. My breathing is rapid and my torso aches. I yank up my sweat soaked shirt and see a nice flat stomach; there is no gaping hole only an innie-bellybutton, just like when I went to bed. No blood on the white sheets so I'll assume for the time being my innards are still in place. Brushing away the sweat on my brow, I glance around the room. The door to the bathroom is wide open and i see my reflection in the floor length mirror. I look terrible. My skin is drained of color except for the flush in my cheeks.

The rest of the room is barren except for a small closet containing all the valuables I have left. They're mostly clothes, feminine products, and nostalgic pictures I was able to salvage from my apartment. Outside it looks to be a beautiful day. The sunlight pours in from the sliding door and I see the silhouette of a small bird sitting on the porch. For a moment it twists around, pecking at the wood, and then, expanding its wings, flies away. Judging by the length of the shadow it casts, the time is at least noon.

"That late already?" I run a hand through my damp hair, pulling back the wet strands. "Sleeping is worse than staying awake." Falling back on the futon I let my tense body relax. "Stupid dream, I even turned in early. I thought being exhausted meant forgetting to dream."

Yes, sorry to pull the 'ole cliché dream stunt, but it really was nothing more than a nightly vision. I say nightly because I can't quit having them. For a month now the Monster has plagued my sleep. Every night I become trapped within the same dream: the Monster takes care of me in one tortuous way or another and leaves me as nothing but an empty husk. Even now as I lay safely tucked in bed, hidden away from the rest of the world, I feel its breath on my face, its fingers wiggling in my gut. Sometimes I trick myself into thinking I never saw such a creature, but then I remember. In those rat infested tunnels, I was not alone.

The events leading up to the encounter are true: We resolve our difficulties with Cloud peacefully, Reno and I giggle till we almost pee our pants, President Shinra calls my cell in a last plea for help, my partners go to his rescue, and I await their return. What happens after they leave never actually occurred. I was not viciously abused by some creature, although I did see something strange at the edge of the tunnel. Just before Reno and Rude returned, a figure walked past the tunnel. I could not see it clearly because its body was shadowed by the morning sun. But I know, without a doubt, that the Monster inside my dreams is the same thing I saw that morning. Only, there is no way to prove it.

Reno and Rude didn't see anything when they finally arrived. They blamed my sighting on stress and lack of sleep. They don't know about my dreams, although they sometimes hear me at night. (Reno thinks I have a vibrator tucked away somewhere; I caught him in my room looking for it last Thursday.) Lately I've felt fear towards the dream. It's natural to be scared of what one doesn't understand, even their subconscious. But this fear is turning irrational. At night, shadows cast by trees look like the figure in my dream. Animal noises sound like the Monster's whisper. Perhaps trauma finally set in and this is my way of coping, having terrifying visions.

While I sit, contemplating the nightmares that plague me, I hear a knock. The tapping is loud and quick. I recognize it to be Rude's swift hands.

Hmm, Rude, my personal alarm clock.

"Elena?" Almost every morning, Rude arrives at my bedroom door, fearful of what he might find. Not too fearful though. He is always pretty stoic. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah," I reply without so much as an explanation for my yelling fit. "I'm up." Actually I'm not. I'm still laying on the futon. Luckily, he didn't have x-ray vision. "Hey, what time is it?"

A pause as Rude looks at his fancy three-time-zone watch (a gift we all received from the company, before it fell. I lost mine.) "Nearly 1."

"Darn," it was later than I thought. My shift would be starting in less than an hour. "Thanks Rude." I wait till he walks away until I get going. There is a lot to do in less than an hour: dye my hair, take a proper shower, brush my teeth, dress, eat some kind of breakfast. It would be far simpler to go as I am now, sweaty and skanky, but I have not given in to the idea of letting three men see me nasty and in my skivvies.

Dying my hair is first on the list. Luckily I don't have to put a great deal of chemicals in, just a three week root touch up. Back when the guys and I first went into hiding, we all agreed to change our appearances in some way. It was the best method to protect ourselves. I cut my hair a little shorter than I was accustomed to and gave it a cherry blonde tint. Occasionally I wear blue contacts, to hide my brown eyes. I don't do it very often. Only when I go into town for emergencies.

So, where is town? Well, after the fall of Shinra headquarters, the guys and I had no where to go. Our homes were rubble and our families were safer without us. The only thing we could think of was getting Tseng out of the hospital. He was the director, he would direct us to our next base of operations.

At first, we were unable to find a place the Turks would be safe. People every where looked for Shinra workers, hoping to rip apart the so called "sinners of the planet." Then, right before Meteor fell, Tseng contacted the leader of Wutai and made a deal with him. The rest of Shinra's funds would be Wutai's if they would give us shelter. Although, I would not call living in an abandoned house in the middle of the woods for seven months proper shelter, it still protects us from being discovered. Right now, the Turks are lost. And without a leader, I don't think we will be found.

My shower didn't take very long. Nor did brushing my teeth. The weather was warmer than usual, so I decide to go with some cut off shorts and a bagging t-shirt. On my thighs there is a slight build up of flab. Standing in front of the mirror I jiggle it in disgust. A few months before Shinra's fall, I was offered the chance to appear in an exercise commercial. All I had to do was tell a little white lie about how the _Stride Scale_ helped me go from a size six to a size two in just three months. The Shinra gym did not have a _Stride Scale_, but it did have other expensive workout equipment. That was what kept me in shape for so long. Without it, I was a tub of blubber.

I whine in the back of my throat. What I would give to be in shape again. At least my face wasn't fat.

Rude is still in the kitchen by the time I finish weeping over my plumpness. To cover up his identity, Rude shaves off his precious stubble every morning and keeps his hair grown out. Now, brown peach fuzz covers the top of his head and I can't help but stare at it when I am around him. The worst part of Rude's new look, is the lack of his sunglasses. Everyone identifies Rude by his signature black shades. It makes sense to ditch them. Yet without those, Rude isn't Rude anymore. It is sad, but everyone needs to make sacrifices. I only hope we won't stay this way forever.

As I prepare my breakfast–a low-fat blueberry muffin with a 4 oz glass of milk–I hear the rustling of papers from behind me. "Rude, you reading the paper?" (He mumbles a 'yes'.) "Who brought it in, was it Reno? Since when did he get up before me? I thought he was the late bird." I sit down across from him and enjoy my delicious meal. Well, not a meal. More like an energy breakfast/afternoon snack.

He creases the edges of the paper as he folds it back up. "Supplies came in today and they left us a paper." Rude passes it over to me. The expression on his face is troubled, a cross between concern and mild anxiety. On the cover in bold writing is the headline **"SHINRA SECRETS REVEALED: POSSIBLE LIFESTREAM CONTAMINATION!"**

We both sigh simultaneously. The papers will write any story to get a buck. Before, there were stories which held actual some version of the truth. Reports about the experiments Hojo preformed made the front page frequently. Although six times out of ten, the truth was either embellished or completely false. After meteor first fell, news reports featured interviews with members of Cloud's group. Cloud was never on the television, it was mostly the leader of AVALANCHE and the pilot Shinra had once employed. Tifa appeared for one segment, joined by a little girl in a purple dress. She talked about the newly orphaned children, left on their own after their parents died from Shinra's negligence. I should be _extremely_ thankful the Turks haven't appeared in the lime light yet. If the public new about what we did to Sector 7, or our secret missions, not even rural Wutai could keep us safe. But a part of me wants to pay for the crimes we committed. Most of all I want answers, reasons for everything that's happened. I can't spend the rest of my life making excuses, hiding away, and reading the newspaper. And yet, here I sit, doing just that.

"Lifestream contamination, huh?" I read the first paragraph. No facts to this crap, just speculation and assumptions. "How many times can _possibly_ be used in a sentence? 'We have _possibly_ uncovered the _possibility_ of a _probable_ outbreak of a _possible _disease.' Jeez, hasn't this guy heard of a thesaurus. And these scientists don't have any credentials listed. How can the public trust what is written in the paper–AH! What the hell Reno?!"

Reno's hands grab onto my shoulders and shake my body. "Because, Laney, no one else is giving them the answers." If Reno's aggravation isn't obvious by his sudden appearance, it is certainly evident in his voice. "If I were to stand in the middle of what is left of Midgar and scream to the whole world who Sephiroth and Jenova were, why they were so determined to destroy this hunk of rock, and why Shinra did nothing to protect the Planet's people, well, I think we both know a large angry mob might stab each of us through the stomach." Lovely, Reno's sarcasm is bitter today.

He slumps into a seat between Rude and I. Immediately he plops his mud covered sandals onto the table. "Damn suppliers, we pay 'em to deliver and that's it. Since sleepy Laney was busying snoozin' I didn't have any help getting the goods inside. Look at this! I got dirty, broke my favorite pair of flip-flops, and my hair is tangled! " Unlike the rest of us, Reno was less willing to change his appearance. Although he enjoys the free dress code, he refuses to cut his hair. "I spent half my life growing it out," he screamed at all of us when we first arrived, "and now you want me to cut it? No fucking thank you." Not even Tseng could command the loyal Turk to do otherwise. Instead, he wears his hair in the same black bandana with tie-dye colored skulls. I think Reno is going for the hard biker look but he resembles more of a cancer patient.

Ignoring his cut down, I inquired about the supplies. "Did they remember to bring more muffins? There's one more box in the pantry." Before ordering my food I always calculate how many boxes I need. Either my fellow house mates were pilfering them or a two week's supply vanished into thin air. "I can't start my day without a damn blueberry muffin. Everyone knows this and still someone has been eating them, _Reno_!"

"Don't yell at me fussy britches! I work up quite the appetite hauling your ass around. You have other obligations besides working your shift." Cabin fever finally takes hold of Reno. He wasn't the only one exhibiting signs. All of us were collapsing under the isolation. "What happened to On Top Elena, the fierce, die hard Turk?" Reno stands up and begins to pace while using enormous hand gestures. "You won't even get out of bed anymore." He runs over and begins shaking me again. "Laney, Y-You're turning into me!"

Reno's expression is hysterical; his eyes are buggy and his jaw slack. Not to mention the white undershirt Hawaiian shorts combo adds to the comedic punch. I can't help but laugh in his face. "Calm down Reno. Maybe you took some Speed with _my_ muffins." I push him off and finish my milk. "Now, if you will excuse me, I am clocking in. See you in a few hours." Awkwardly, I scoot past Reno and enter the hallway.

Such is the daily routine. We all feel the sting of misplacement, it effects differently. Rude retreats further into his silence, barley uttering twenty sentences per day. Whenever he isn't on duty he is always outside, walking in the surrounding woods. Sometimes Reno goes with him. I don't know what the two talk about, maybe its just Reno that does all the talking. Because, after all, Reno is still Reno. Occasionally he will loose his temper, like this morning. For the most part, he still retains the ego befitting a fast thinking, fast talking, comedian masquerading as a Turk.

As for me, I lack the commitment I once had. When I was a Turk I did not hesitate to cary out any order. I took out anyone who got in my way. I killed monsters and carried out the worst crimes for the good of the company. And now I cower from my nightmares, from a figure I saw for a brief instant. I can't even commit to keeping a promise I made to myself. A promise about, "Tseng!"

He comes out of the room I was just about to enter. Our bodies meet and then I pull away, tremendously embarrassed. "Elena." He responds awkwardly. Out of the four of us, he has changed the least. He still retains the same dedication and attitude befitting a Shinra director. His appearance is slightly different. He cut his hair like the first time I met him, back when I was still a teenager. He pulls back the short style and holds it with a black rubber band. Although I miss Long Locks Tseng, as Reno so affectionately dubbed him, this new look does make him look younger. As for his wardrobe, Tseng ditches the black and blue suits and chooses a more _corporate casual_ approach. Instead of buying tailored suits, he purchases finely made sweaters and a wide array of dress pants. Even in this hot weather he continues to look his best. And God, does he ever look his best. "Your shift started ten minutes ago. I hope you haven't overslept like yesterday. Tardiness will not be tolerated, under any circumstances. Even... out here."

I giggle nervously. "N-no, ahem, no! I got distracted in the k-kitchen. Reno threw a tantrum, surprise surprise." Again I giggle and almost choke on a stray piece of muffin. While I hack away, Tseng stands there, his hands in his pocket, looking perfectly handsome. "S-sor-ory!" I manage to cough out. "Someth-thing must've got down the wrong," one more cough for good luck, "pipe."

Tseng's left eyebrow arches ever so slightly upward. "Yes, I see." He casts off my choking episode. "Well, Elena, I hope to see a better performance tomorrow." Out of his pocket Tseng pulls out a neatly folded piece of paper. "According to Reno's reports you have been waking up later and later. I am beginning to wonder if you are falling under the stress of the situation. Perhaps it is time for you to–"

"No, Tseng!" I am practically shouting at him, "It's not the stress of the job. Believe me sir, I am honored to still be apart of this, this uh," I pause, contemplating what to call our group, "um, uh, _organization_. And I believe _Reno_ has no right to document _my_ sleeping habits."

To this Tseng agrees. "Reno has exhibited unprofessional habits, even before these difficult times, including tardiness. However, he has shown quite the dedication these past seven months. We will discuss everyone's performance level at a later time. Right now, please attend to your shift." Then he walks away, his long legs in a gallant stride.

A cold conversation between a director and his employee. Nothing has changed.

So, yeah, he still doesn't know how I feel. I've tried to keep my promise, I really have. But when I'm in Tseng's presence I get terrified, despite the fact that all I do is think about how easy it would be to say, "Tseng, I love you." Four simple words so easily spoken. Late at night, when I can't sleep, I whisper my emotions to the darkness. I say the words so softly, I can barely hear them. But I know they exist, even if no one else does.

I almost confessed two weeks ago. Both of us were sitting on the wrap around porch, enjoying the sunlight and the breeze. I read for a while and Tseng was asking me about the book. Our conversation went well. At least up until the point where I began pointing out the parallels between mine and the main character's love life. To make a long story short, the conversation's topic eventually switched to Chocobos and their breeding habits. I won't begin to describe how awkward _that_ was. Part of me is disgusted by my cowardliness, another part is too nervous to care. Maybe I'm in denial and need to face facts. I don't know... But I try not to think about Tseng unless he is around. Which is difficult, believe me. Daydreaming about him is so very easy. However my thoughts are usually preoccupied with my nightmares or with President Shinra. I think all of us are concerned about our dear President.

The door to the President's room squeaks open. The loud noise makes me cringe, yet Rufus Shinra remains undisturbed in his small hospital bed. His chest slowly rises as he breathes in. It is the only movement he has exhibited since the night Midgar fell. Since then he has remained hooked up to almost every medical machine imaginable; a machine to feed him, a machine to take away his waste, a machine to monitor his heart rate, and a machine to observe his brain waves. At least his breathing is naturally regulated. It's hard enough to look at Rufus Shinra–once the world's most powerful man–in a comatose state being fed food through a tube. At least he can breathe on his own. To see him with one of those giant breathing masks, I... I just don't know if I could handle it.

The chair Tseng was sitting in is still warm. I pull it closer to the President's bedside and look at his mangled body. Dr. Rajsh, his attending medical practitioner, says he could wake up at any moment. She understands that while we are anxious for him to recover, she hopes he will remain comatose for at least another month. The doctor claims constant bed rest is the best cure for healing the President's broken leg and fractured ankles. Right now, I just want him to open his eyes.

"Good morning sir," I say sweetly. "Well, it's more like good afternoon, sir. I woke up late, about oh, an hour ago. So, umm, sorry I'm tardy." Quiet envelops the room. I detest the quiet here, I suppose that's why I work so much. "Lately I've been dreaming about some, some weird stuff. It's gotten me out of sorts, even though I know it's no excuse. If we were back at headquarters, Tseng would've given me a black mark on my perfect attendance record and told me to suck it up. Except, I doubt 'suck it up' would be his actual phrasing. Something eloquent, like, 'do not complain Elena, please deal with your own problems without complaint.' Tseng does have an eloquent way about him..." My voice trails off. I am beginning to ramble. If the President were to awake, he would no doubt tell me to shut up. Only, a long time ago, I was told by a friend that people in comas can hear you when you talk to them. And the more you talk to someone the greater the chance they'll wake up. I'm not sure if it's true or not, but it's worth a try. At first I was afraid of what to say. I didn't want to say silly things, in case he grew tired of my babble. But then I decided to forget about it. I would deal with the consequences when he woke up. Who knows, maybe he'll be happy I talked to him. I hope so.

On and on I chatter. I talk about Reno and Rude, not so much about Tseng, it's too difficult. I talk a little about myself, how I'm doing and whatnot. It's all just small talk, casual conversation. President Shinra remains still and quiet, unresponsive to my verbal therapy. I retreat finally into comfortable silence and find contentment in watching him.

Yesterday the President's hair was slightly oily, and today it is perfectly clean. His clothes smell fresh as well, and the soiled spot on the collar has disappeared. Tseng must've given him a bath and a change of clothes before I came in. He looks much better in the afternoon light, quite handsome actually.

A breeze from the open window blows his hair and it falls across his face in a sloppy mess. A little bird at the window twitters as I reach out to brush the President's hair back into place. So much time has past since I've seen him in proper health, I'd forgotten how attractive President Shinra used to be. Being this close, I can almost see his former glory. If I look past his cloth eyepatch and lingering scars, I remember his striking appearance, his fierce blue eyes. Headquarter employees used to say Rufus Shinra could kill a man's soul with those eyes. Not so sure about souls, but he has killed innocent people without moving an eyelash. How can a man so wonderfully handsome commit such terrible crimes? "It's impossible to figure you out, isn't it Mr. President?" I ponder this while the little bird continues to chirp its friendly tune.

I let my hand linger upon the President's cheek, feeling the softness and the warmth. Boldly, the little bird flies into the room and lands upon the President's bedside railing, all the while singing. Strange how docile the little bird is. Most animals retreat in fear if one looks at it the wrong way, yet this little birdie chirps away. Its cheerful tone distracts me so that I nearly forget about the President. I look down at him and notice something extremely odd. His facial features are moving and a slight groan rumbles in his throat. "Sir," I lean down closer to his face, "sir, are you awake." I press my hand to his cheek again and whisper some words of encouragement. Maybe he's afraid to wake up. "Sir, we are all here and you're safe. Just open your eyes Mr. President–" I growl. "Would you go away you stupid bird!" Now the little bird's song is obnoxious. It grows steadily louder, faster, and higher till my ears ring. I try to wave it away. "Shoo, _shoo_!"

Reluctantly, it flies to the window. The bird pauses to give me a peculiar stare, and then soars out.

Returning my attentions back to the President, I try to talk him into waking. "Sir, it's okay, we are in a safe place. You can wake up any time you want, we aren't in Midgar anymore." But he is unresponsive. A false alarm, his fifth to date.

Slumping back into the chair I sigh heavily. A fifth defeat, and on my watch. I can't believe it. Maybe these stirrings are common occurrences, some kind of brain fluctuation. The next time Dr. Rajsh comes to examine the President I'll ask her. "She'll have the answers, I'm sure sir." Again, the room is quiet. The only noise is the steady beep of the President's heart monitor.

When this all began, I was easily annoyed by the continuous sound. It was like listening to an extended game of Pong, over and over and over and _over_ _again_. Now, as I sit, overcome with failure, the beeping is rather comforting. Instead of an irritating noise, I hear the strength of the President's heart. I rest my head on the bed railing while staring at his rising chest. "Bum-bum, bum-bum, bum-bum..." I chant in rhythm with President Shinra's heartbeat. My breathing slows down to his own pace and I feel my eyes becoming heavy.

The fan circles above us but the air remains stationary. Suddenly I'm very warm. The mugginess of the hot afternoon hangs around, enveloping me in sweat. I stretch my legs out and yawn. "Too bad there isn't air conditioning, besides in the kitchen and the family area." Reaching out I pluck a hair from the President's arm. "I fear what the heat might do to you. If I'm melting in nothing but shorts and a t-shirt, I bet you're suffering under the sheets and the covers and the hospital night gown." Another yawn overcomes me. "Sorry, I tend to get sleepy when it's hot. Tseng should know about the temperature, don't you think? Maybe he could do something about it. Our suppliers might sell us an air conditioning unit for the right price. Most likely, Tseng would volunteer a small amount of our budget to better you in your 'delicate' condition. Then, in turn, we benefit as well. I wouldn't be sweaty and s-sl-sleepy. Sorry sir, I just can't seem to quit yawning. Maybe if I close my eyes for a second..."

* * *

"–Na... –Lena... _Elena_!"

"I'm up, I'm up!" I leap up, looking around the room frantically.

Reno is standing behind me, his arm frozen in midair from where he was shaking me. "Hey."

"What the hell, Reno? You've scared me, like, three times today." I pause. The area around my mouth is slightly moist. "Is there drool on my face?

"Yeah." He is fighting the laughter, I see it in his eyes.

With the back of my hand, I wipe away the slobber and smile. For once, I slept without dreaming. Well, I did dream, but it was pretty crazy. Rude brought home a baby elephant and I had to find it food. Yet, once I did Tseng said it was going to die so he let it go. And then I think Reno showed up naked and I was under the misapprehension that Rufus Shinra was my father. Yeah, _no way_ was I going to tell Reno that dream. Instead I ask, "What time is it?"

Shrugging his shoulders, he nods his head to the window. " 'Bout nine. The sun just went down. I think you might catch some of the glow from the kitchen window. Y'know, in case you wanted to look." A mischievous grin hides at the corners of his mouth.

I eye him with suspicion. "Okaaay." Whenever Reno smiles like that it's generally not for a good reason. "_Anyways_, around, um" I struggle to recall, "2:45 I think, there was, um, a slight, a slight movement. And I fell, well I fell asleep sometime afterwards. I didn't mean to. It just, it got so hot in here."

"Alright, help me paint a picture here. There was movement... Was it on yours or his part?"

"Reno! Stop being slow. _Him_, of course!" My voice is steadily growing louder. I hear myself and stop before my words become shrill. "The point is, President Shinra moved. He, he made a small growling noise in his throat, his eyelashes fluttered, and he might've moved his torso a little bit. But then he fell back into his current state."

He scratches his nose and looks at his finger. "Ew, I think I popped a pimple."

"Reno!"

"What?" He says in an exasperated tone. "Another false alarm, big whoop. This is, like, what? His fifth? They're not really _that_ big of a deal anymore. Maybe I'd be concerned if he, I dunno, uh, let's say exploded and magically reassembled before going comatose again. But he didn't so I'm not worried. Besides, you've seen two fakes, I got one under my belt, and Rudes' got two as well. We all know what a false alarm is."

I swear, sometimes Reno should care a little bit more. All he does is crack jokes. "What about Tseng? Has he seen one of the President's false alarms?"

"Now that you mention it I don't think he has. Bet Tseng feels left out. That might account for his bad mood tonight." He shoves me over and steals the seat by the President's bed. "Ya know, at dinner he scolded us for not using the proper utensils. Said we should use a fork instead of a spoon for potato salad. Personally I think a spoon is better, especially a really big one. Then ya can get the potato and all the other fixin's with it and not have to fish around for the celery and the pickle. Although, with a fork, it's easier to skip over the eggs. Rude likes eggs in his potato salad but I'm not _too_ enthusiastic for it–"

"Shut up Reno. What does potato salad have to do with the situation?" God, he is really starting to wear down on my patience.

Again, he shrugs his large shoulders. "Beats me." Darn Reno's devil-may-care attitude. "But don't beat yourself up over it. S'not like you could've woken him up. This isn't a fairy tale. If it was, the roles would be reversed. Y'know, the princess," he points to President Shinra, "and the prince," he points to me, "isn't such a bad idea. Make for a good story. Why don't you give him a little smooch, eh, Elena?"

In response, I give him a blank stare. "Very amusing, but I'm off duty." Great, that makes me sound like a prostitute. Quick, change the subject. "Is there any food left? Potato salad sounds good right about now. All I've eaten is that muffin and my stomach is starting to turn into a ravenous monster. Watch out, I might eat you up. Wouldn't that make for an interesting fairy tale? The big bad wolf," Slyly mocking Reno, I point to myself, "and Little _Red_ Riding Hood." I pull on one of Reno's longer hairs.

"Ha ha," He jerks away, "aren't you clever. There should be a plate full left unless Tseng ate it all. You should tell him to watch his figure. G'night Laney."

Giving Reno a slight pat on the shoulder I wish both him and the President a goodnight.

As I walk down the hallway, my feet slapping against the bamboo flooring, I notice most of the house's lights are off. I'd trip if it weren't for the crack of light coming from Rude's door. I want to wish him a good night, but once his door is closed he prefers no disturbance. I learned that the hard way the first week we arrived. After experiencing the exhaustion of moving day, I accidentally stumbled into his room and was greeted by a cold stare, short shorts, a pair of _extremely_ hairy legs, and two commanding words. "Get. Out." I almost peed my pants during that little incident. Since then I've stayed away from his room.

Doing my best to silently sneak past his room, I tip-toe into the kitchen. I pause for a moment and look at Tseng in the dull kitchen light. His long facial structure and high cheek bones flatter him so well. Nearly every time I look at his smooth skin my hand just itches to touch it. But randomly touching my boss's face might have repercussions. Then again, if I was horny enough I would risk them.

Tseng looks over at me and is momentarily startled. "Elena, you entered so quietly I thought I was still alone." He gestures at an empty seat, a plateful of potato salad, and a red apple. "I saved you a plate and the ripest apple. Although I did not pour you a drink because I was not sure what you wanted."

_I want you. God Tseng I want you right now._ "Tea is nice, but if there isn't any I usually have water. Except in the mornings when I have a 4 oz. glass of milk with a muffin." Oh god, the rambling. It was back. "But, why would you need to know that? I can get my own drink." I quickly went to the sink and poured some water before gulping it down and getting another. "Sorry sir," I sit back down, "just being cooped up gets me a little, uh, rattled."

"Yes, I can see that." Tseng utters slowly before taking a sip of tea.

I eat quietly, too embarrassed to say anything. Why can't I behave normally around him instead of like a complete spazz? And now there's uncomfortable silence. This damn house is always filled with silence. I hate it! I'm about to break the quiet with my report about Rufus's movement when Tseng does it for me.

"Elena, I have to talk to you about something." He fiddles with the buttons on his cuffs. "It is a pressing matter first brought to my attention shortly after we arrived."

I'm not sure what he's talking about. The first thing my mind goes to is my "crush," but I doubt that's a _pressing _matter. If it was I would act upon it like I promised myself I would. Still, I'm a little nervous. "Wh-what matter is that, sir?"

Tseng roles up his sleeves and runs a hand through his hair. "I've been silent on the matter, because I thought it would create unnecessary strain throughout the house. But it is becoming increasingly clear that the matter will not simply go away."

Oh God, did he really know? How could he, I've been mute on the matter. I've never flirted or mentioned too many details about my personal life, except for that one time on the porch. But maybe this was it! Maybe he figured it out and the feeling became mutual. I mean, he did ask me out shortly before he was hospitalized.

"At the beginning of next month we have to vacate the house and find a new place of residence."

This wasn't what I was expecting. A part of me _is_ relieved, but another sorely disappointed. Then I thought of the President and his current condition. "But Tseng, the President can't be moved. Dr. Rajsh said he still needs at least a month to recover. Can't you talk to the Wutai leader? Convince him to give us some more time."

"Elena, he isn't the problem. He is earning a great deal of money by harboring us here and as long as he continues to receive that money he will not complain." He takes a drink of his tea. "Yuffie is returning to Wutai. Seems as though Cloud's companions are going their separate ways. Remarkable how they remained united this long. Perhaps they thought they could do some good..." His voice trailed off as his mind wandered elsewhere.

From his pause I could not tell if he felt guilty for assisting in the planet's current state, or envious for being unable to assist the people like AVALANCHE. "Tseng," I reached over and touched his arm, "what about Yuffie?"

"Yes," he straightened up and pulled away from my hand, "Yuffie will return to Wutai sometime next month and I would prefer to be gone from this place. I do not know how she would react to our presence. Although I can assume from previous experience, she would not be keen on the thought of Shinra refugees hiding in her country. Worst case scenario, she would report us to Cloud, and we can't have that."

"But sir, should we risk moving him in his current state?"

"I intend to talk to Dr. Rajsh about it the next time she comes. Either way, we must leave before Yuffie arrives. I just don't know..." Tseng leaves his personal feelings out of the conversation again. How can he do it, shut out emotions like that? Being a Turk must be simpler that way. But what about his life outside of the job? Does he remain unexpressive even around the people he loves? "Well, we will figure it out, won't we? Goodnight Elena."

As he stands to leave I feel overwhelming urge to shout out those four words. I try to keep it muffled my replying, "Yes sir. 'Night sir." But it just won't do. My heart begins to race, my cheeks turn as red as the apples on the table, and my palms begin to sweat. This is it. The moment is perfect. Both Reno and Rude are busy in other rooms, and Tseng is at a moment of vulnerability! If I play the scene correctly, we might just spend the night improving our moods together. "Tseng!" I spring from my seat and the chair falls to the floor with a loud clatter.

"Yes, Elena?" He looks at me with a worried expression.

"S-sir, I have to tell you something." My breathing rate increases.

"What is it?"

"Tseng, I..." Oh God, _oh Shiva_! "Tseng I-I..." I'm saying it! I'm really saying it! "Tseng, I, uh, I think..." No no no Elena! Don't lose momentum, don't slow down. Just spurt it out like a fountain! No! The damn just broke and a flood is coming out, so just fucking say it! "I ... I lo-... Tseng. I love" Shit. I can't do it, "apples.

Tseng looked at me like a crazy person. "Apples?"

"Yes. A-apples." I grabbed the one off the table and took a big bite. "They're very good."

"Goodnight," was his only reply.

"Goodnight sir." I looked at my potato salad and groaned. My appetite was gone. Shoveling it into the garbage disposal I turned the previous scene over and over in my head. Forget babbling spazz, Tseng now thinks of me as a raving lunatic. "Pathetic." Leaving the dirty plate in the sink, I stare out the open window while eating the apple I _love_ so much. "Elena, you are a coward. Might as well give up on love and become a crazy cat woman." There is a rustling from outside as a shadow moves across the yard. For a moment I freeze in fear. The shape of a disfigured creature stares back at me. I can't properly see it, but something tells me it's looking straight into my eyes. I open the cabinet doors underneath the sink with my foot. I stored one of my guns in there just in case a situation like this occurred. Quickly bending down I grab it and come back up ready to shoot. Only now the moon has emerged and our visitor is nothing but an old dog.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Soooo, how long has it been since the first chapter? Over a year, maybe more? Ha ha, sorry about the mega delay. The only excuse I can give is I'm just too damn lazy for my own good. But I promised myself that I would write this summer and that's what I'm going to do. I've planned out this fanfiction quite well! Mind you, it's still in the planning stages, but I have a notebook full of ideas and I might as well try and write them out, right?**

**And sorry for pulling the whole "dream scenario" for the first chapter. It might seem like a cheap shot, but I promise you, the Monster will show up sooner or later. Maybe Elena's dreams will come to pass! DUN DUN DUNNNNN! Or maybe they won't. I'm not giving away any secrets. That would ruin the fun. And believe me, the Monster is nothing but a barrel full of laughs.**

**Alright now, review and tell me what you all think. Do you like how I am portraying Elena, Reno, Rude, and Tseng? Rufus hasn't exactly revealed any character traits, since he's just lying there... breathing. So just wait! But, am I keeping to the original characterization for everyone else? Ooooor am I straying into the ooc zone? Are you excited to meet Dr. Rajsh? Anyone have an idea what she'll be like? Ohhh, we could make a game out of it! The person who describes Dr. Rajsh's personality/appearence the best gets a free short fic about whoever and whatever they want!**

**That about does it for today. Happy reading everyone!**

**emmzly~**


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